It’s all balloons and bunting here, as I prepare for a day of national pride. I decided that we just don’t spend enough time celebrating our identity in the when-it-suits-us British regional sub-entity of England. Maybe it’s because we share our current patron saint, St George, with rather a lot of Johnny Foreigners. We need a national identity we can live by!
So, after at least five minutes of serious thought, I came up with a name for our new patron saint. Please lumber reluctantly to your feet and mumble some sort of half-hearted praise for…
ST GORGE!
St Gorge is so much more relevant to England in the 21st century, and the people who are so desperate to show their pride in this sub-division of an already tiny country. A symbol of indiscriminate consumption, St Gorge celebrates our love of cheap lager, stodgy fast food and shouting abuse at strangers (especially immigrants and poofs).
I’ve even made a new flag! However, rather than completely dispensing with the old one, so popular with those lovable racists, I’ve incorporated elements of the old flag of St George. To bring things up to date, I’ve added the familiar “Stella Rampant” motif, and modified the shape of the cross to reflect the sagging beer bellies and limp dicks of the proud warriors who represent all that is specifically English.