I’ve been reading about your plans for new citizenship ceremonies involving singing the national anthem and swearing an oath of allegiance to the Queen and the Union Flag. I assume this is only for new immigrants, and won’t be carried out retrospectively for existing British citizens, but nonetheless I feel I have to come clean and tell you the truth.
The thing is, I feel such a fraud. I’ve been living in Britain for 35 years and have never sworn an oath of allegiance to the Queen. I have absolutely no intention to do so, either. I’m sure she’s a nice old lady, but I don’t go around swearing oaths of allegiance to every nice old lady I meet. They have better things to do with their time, like buying catfood and presenting shiny shillings to grubby-faced urchins. And in the grand parade of old ladies, a particularly rich and powerful one whom I’ve never met, who exists as part of a social system I disagree with, the Queen isn’t someone I’m about to swear allegiance to in a hurry.
Then there’s the matter of this song. To be honest, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not subject anyone to the horrors of my singing, but if I must, I’d rather pick something I like. I mean, let’s face it, that “God Save the Queen” thing is a heap of crap, isn’t it? I wouldn’t wish death on any old lady (well… hmmmm… ) but I’d rather God would just leave the Queen to take her chance in the old Mortality Lottery, just like the rest of us. And even if I did somehow agree to sing a song supporting a ruthlessly exclusive feudal system, I’d at least want it to be a decent tune, not a simplistic dirge.
All in all, Mr Blunkett, I’m really sorry. I’ve hung around here for so long, wasting your time and giving you the wrong impression. I made the mistake of thinking that being British amounted to more than submitting to aristocratic rule and the symbolism of a piece of patterned fabric. I’d hoped that my love for our countryside and our architecture and my hope that our people could be good to each other and form a progressive society would be enough. I’d better get my coat, hadn’t I?